WINNERS
by Rednal
Summary: Comedy! Drama! Excessive violence to monsters! Girls kissing! Yeah, it's a Neptunia fic, all right... The evil organization WINNERS has trapped some citizens of Gamindustri inside their special server, and it's up to the CPU's to save it. Unfortunately, there's another problem, and I don't mean whether or not Neptune's going to get dessert before Peashy steals it all...
1. Chapter 1

"Watch out, Nep-Nep!"

A sharp swing of her hip sent Neptune hurtling to the side. A moment later, Compa began rapidly pumping the end of a truly massive syringe. Bullets of bizarre medical fluid shot out and slammed into the slimy Dogoo monsters, quickly merging with their gelatinous bodies… and causing them to simply explode.

"Ouchies… come on, Compa, you could have asked!"

Neptune stood up again, then turned and slashed her sword through a monster that had been sneaking up on the two from behind.

"Hurry up, you two! This is going to take forever if we try to kill every single enemy!"

Said the girl whose bodycount was higher than the other two combined.

The problem had started two days before, when Planeptune's Guild had gotten a request for an emergency assault on a dungeon that was spawning far more monsters than it should have. Neptune, looking for any excuse to get out of work, had jumped at the opportunity and dragged her friends along to help.

The monsters weren't actually very strong. Considering all they'd gone through together, both Compa and IF could very reasonably be considered veteran adventurers, qualified enough to take on even high-level tasks… though Compa probably shouldn't have been let out on her own. Even so, the mooks were no individual threat to them, much less the CPU of Planeptune.

It was just that there were so freaking many of the things. It might take a thousand hits to bring any of the girls down, but there were more than enough of the little slimes to get the job done… if they'd had to take them out one at a time, anyway.

"Neptune… BREAAAAAAAK!"

The CPU blurred out of sight for a moment; when it was done, a myriad of slash marks appeared throughout the crowd of minor monsters, and the entire group exploded. It was probably a good thing they didn't actually have blood or normal bodies, else the carnage would have been quite sufficient to traumatize Compa for life. There was just something about stuff that looked like blueberry jelly that was hard to take seriously, though.

After an obligatory victory pose, Neptune made her oversized weapon disappear into thin air and nodded in satisfaction.

Which might have explained why the sucker punch from the Killachine Mk. 3 literally sent her bouncing off the walls.

"Neptune!"

"Nep-Nep!"

"I'm all right! It's just a flesh wound!"

With a loud pop, Neptune managed to pull her head out of the floor. Wasting no time, the CPU vaulted to her feet and pulled out her sword as a barrage of medical fluid from Compa's syringe impacted the Boss' tail and twisted it off-course as it attempted to pummel them. Hopping backwards, IF unleashed an assault of her own with two of the pistols hidden in her sleeves.

Neither attack did much of anything to the creature.

Acting with way too much speed for a monster its size, the Boss unleashed a quick barrage of punches, knocking the three girls across the room (and, in Compa's case, into a pile of Dogoo jelly) before a gem on its chest lit up and hammered each of them with a brutal shockwave.

"Gyaaa!"

"Urk… N-Neptune!"

"I know! Just gimme a sec!"

One foot came down onto the ground, forming a small crater, then the other. Two glowing symbols appeared in Neptune's eyes; a vertical line with a curved line beneath it, forming the character for 'power' used by the Console Patron Units of Gamindustri.

"Traaaaaaans-"

The Killachine Mk.3 split in half vertically and detonated.

"HEY!"

Neptune darted forward, the glowing symbols fading from her eyes.

"Don't freaking kill-steal my boss! We fought hard to get to the bottom of this dungeon! I coulda handled that!"

Almost certainly a true statement. Neptune was known for her monstrous strength, after all, not her intelligence. In the Hard Drive Divinity form that counted as a Super Mode, there were very few foes who were truly a problem for her.

Standing at the other end of the room was a girl who looked to be about Neptune's physical age. A wide sword was carried in one hand, unusually thick and heavy-looking for such a weapon, with about the same ornamentation expected from one of Gamindustri's medium-level pieces of equipment. That is, ornate without being silly about it. It also looked rather old and well-used. Crimson hair flowed down to the girl's waist, while her outfit used a somewhat darker color when featuring both her upper garment and her relatively short skirt.

The intruder simply looked at Neptune for a moment, then dashed towards the exit.

"Get back here, you! Oh, I feel like doing some smiting!"

Compa and IF had to physically wrestle Neptune to the ground to stop her from going after the thief. They'd achieved what they'd set out to do, which was clearing the dungeon… unfortunately, having had the boss stolen from them, there was no way to actually get the reward from the Guild and show it to Histoire as proof that Neptune had been doing something useful.

After a three-hour lecture in the Basilicom, Neptune was finally allowed to crash onto her bed, cuddle up with her pillow (Compa), and try to get some sleep.

This being Neptune, she woke up several hours later, her stomach rumbling. She'd been so depressed about the lecture that she hadn't even eaten, and despite the darkness of the hour, she was planning to rectify that immediately.

"Huh? What's up, Nep Jr.? Isn't it a little latesies to be all cereal about doing work?"

Seated at the table in the kitchen at the back of the Basilicom was a girl younger than Neptune, dressed in a simple, fluffy bathrobe as she read through some of the reports that were piled up on the table.

"Ahaha… I couldn't really sleep."

The other girl awkwardly rubbed the back of her head.

"We just keep getting reports about little things all over Gamindustri. I hope it's nothing major, but… well, we'll handle it somehow."

Nepgear smiled at her sister, then giggled at the image of Neptune with the end of a big loaf of bread stuck in her mouth.

"Whash sho funi?"

"Come on, sis, let me heat that up for you…"

It was nearly an hour later that the light in the Basilicom finally turned off.

The Land of Purple Progress, Planeptune, never really slept. There were always people out and about, if less so at night than in the day, and the business of the land never truly stopped. A few vigilante heroes prowled the shadows to help keep citizens safe, the late-night workers at the Guild handed out assignments and rewards to nocturnal adventurers, and game developers worked feverishly to meet the deadlines for their new products.

This was a part of Gamindustri, ruled by the Console Patron Units. A land of happiness and violence, of adventure and buried riches, of magic and technology mingling to create a fantastic realm. The people believed in their Goddesses, and the Goddesses fought off any troubles that arose, each helping the other in a symbiotic relationship that enriched all of their lives. With the phenomenal amount of power they possessed, the CPU's could ultimately fight off just about any enemy.

Which made the obvious weakness in all of this all the more glaring when secretly installed chips went live all across Gamindustri the next morning and trapped close to ten percent of each nation's population in their own heads, magically linking each of them to a central server where they could appear in (and play) any game they wanted, but never leave. About half of them thought this was the greatest thing ever, having already been NEETs unused to so much as stepping outside. The other half were more sensible about it and began some light, multiplayer games to pass the time while they waited to be rescued.

An enormous projection flickered into existence above each nation, and a booming voice came down from on high.

"Attention, citizens! We have trapped your fellows within the ultimate virtual world… not just one game or one idea, but all of them! Experience the adventures you've always wanted to have with none of the danger! Oh, and you won't have a choice unless you deliver all of the CPUs and their Candidates to us in the Gamindustri Graveyard! Too long have the Goddesses stifled your fun with silly rules and restrictions, claiming that their power gives them the right to do anything they want! We, the- what were we, again?"

The audio and video cut out for a few moments.

"We, the Wonderful In Never-Never Elite Royal Squadron, will turn Gamindustri into a true paradise! No hunger! No danger! No need to ever stop playing games! You'll be with us sooner or later, but join now for Gold Placement in our system and better access to more features before all the traitors get them!"

The screen blinked out.

Then the screaming started.


	2. Chapter 2

If there was anything that the citizens of Gamindustri were good at, it was playing games. If there were _two_ things they were good at, it was playing games and dealing with the general weirdness of their world.

Take Lowee, for example. Ruled with the iron hammer of the Console Patron Unit known as White Heart, which some said had been taken from a certain pair of plumber brothers, evil was largely smashed to pieces when she could be bothered to do any work. Instead of, you know, wasting her time writing terrible stories and eating tangerines while being a kotatsu potato. Which was a lot like being a couch potato, except that a heater was involved.

On the other hand, the people of Lowee tended to be the sort who were interested in things besides appearance… or at least they preferred a different type of appearance. There had to be _some_ reason the land was full of lolis for its leadership. On the other hand, it was also Gamindustri's undisputed leader when it came to magic, which meant that entire villages disappeared _all the freaking time_ as the result of some sort of curse or magical experiment or what have you. So, ten percent of the people having their minds trapped inside of a video game server was pretty much just another Tuesday. Gamindustri was filled with Heroes who made their living by adventuring, after all; no sooner had the system gone up than a few hundred started looking for control towers, magical crystals, or whatever else could be shut down in order to stop it. A few dozen even started trying from inside.

Things were a little less relaxed in the other nations, especially the Basilicoms. The biggest reason, well…

"Neptune, it would seem that the people trapped inside of the server are unable to give faith to anyone."

Neptune dropped the plate she was holding. This being Planeptune's Basilicom, and Neptune being Neptune, the highly durable plastic just bounced a bit before rolling away to rest near the wall.

"Th-th-that's really bad, isn't it!?"

Histoire nodded.

"If we don't have enough faith, we won't be able to transform! If we can't transform, we can't fight Boss monsters! If we can't fight Boss monsters, _Gamindustri's going to be destroyed!_"

Histoire nodded. Neptune slumped over.

"Please tell me you have a plan, Histy."

Histoire nodded.

"There is nobody better at figuring out a way to turn evil machines off than Heroes are."

The fairy sat down in front of Neptune and patted the CPU's head.

"We can leave that part to them. What's important is that we find out who the leaders of WINNERS are and bring them to justice before you lose the power to fight them. More people could be sucked into their server at any time, so it's imperative that we move quickly."

Neptune visibly perked up. Beating up bad guys was something she could totally get behind. Nice and simple, just the way she liked it!

"However, because the Heroes are busy trying to turn it off, they don't have the time to raid dungeons. I'm afraid you'll have to fight the Boss Monsters here in Planeptune; I've already asked the others to handle the other lands."

"Then let's do this thing!"

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Meanwhile, thousands of miles away… or, you know, however far it was to the middle of Leanbox…

"Easy mode."

Lowee was the land of magic, but Leanbox was the undisputed master of lasers and beamspam. This was due in large part to the presence of Cave, a security maid (or something like that; most people weren't entirely sure) who had absolutely no fear whatsoever of little things like hundreds of attacks all coming at her at once.

Yeah, monsters probably weren't going to be a problem. Especially after the CPU Green Heart had challenged Cave to a speed-run of all the dungeons in the land.

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Meanwhile, thousands of miles away… this time to Lastation's Basilicom…

"Are you going to get that phone, Nepgear?"

"I'm sure it's not important, Uni. Now come on; I want to put on the whipped cream."

They're probably just making a cake or something. Yeah. That's it. Cake.

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Histoire sighed as she put the phone up and fluttered out to look through the window. The forces had been set in motion; now, all she could do was wait and see if it would be enough to protect Gamindustri.

Not too far from everyone's favorite fairy, Planeptune's Power Trio were looking at the list of dungeons they still needed to run through.

"I've got lunch in case you guys get hungry!"

"I've got a cell phone to call for help when Neptune gets buried alive or something."

"You two don't trust me at all, do you?"

Neptune slumped over dejectedly and poked at the ground a few times. It was hard for her to be depressed for long, though, and she perked up again as she heard some chatter nearby.

"Heya, peeps! What's going on?"

The girl behind the counter smiled and gestured to a freshly-updated screen.

"Ah, Lady Purple Heart. The recent commotion has caused a change in the leadership board since some of the usual contenders are distracted."

Neptune looked at the list. As usual, [Team Neptune] rested comfortably in fourth place.

The averaged rankings of any individual or team depended mainly on two factors: the number of dungeons run and the difficulty of each quest. A single difficult quest was worth multiple easy ones, naturally enough, and Neptune's habit of using her freakish strength to take down some of the toughest monsters had gotten her, Compa, and IF enough points to remain comfortably high on the board. She was a little too lazy to go all the way to the top, though.

However, the bottom three ranks were all newer members. They really must have been working hard to get to a point like this.

"Lemme take a looksies…"

Neptune whistled slightly as she tapped the screen and brought up some more information.

"Sir Hero and Friends? That's the most ridiculous name I've ever heard. And who does this 'AAAA' think he is?"

There was really no reply anyone could give to that.

"And… a solo hero?"

Neptune blinked as she looked up at the counter again. Tradition had it that solo heroes were vastly more competent than their party-using counterparts; that she was even on the list meant she was probably going to keep rising very soon.

That happened a lot, actually. Heroes blasted up through the ranks and hit their goal, then dropped it and were ultimately overtaken by others again just in time for the next bright start to start rising.

"Well, whatever. C'mon, tell me which dungeons are the biggest problem right now!"

"Of course, ma'am. As you can see on the screen over here, we've had a sudden infestation of Dogoo in the-"

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All across the land, swords were swung and spells sizzled against the sickly skins of shortly-to-be-slain monsters. That, too, was normal for Gamindustri. However, there did seem to be more monsters than usual wherever you looked, a fact that made absolutely no sense whatsoever. Monster breeding didn't work like that, even if you counted specialists training their Animal Husbandry skills in order to get inbred but powerful companions and releasing the rest into the wild to fend for themselves and most likely die early deaths or start a secret monster colony.

There was, of course, a simple and reasonable explanation for the increased number of monsters. It was just that nobody was looking in the right direction to find it; people never noticed the crisis behind them when they were already fixated on one right in front.


	3. Chapter 3

"It's time for the monster vaccine!"

Poke.

"GRAAAAAAAAAARGH!"

In terms of pure destructive capability, traditional weapons were traditional because they were good at what they did. However, there was no denying that there was something uniquely terrifying about a giant syringe, especially if it began firing magical bullets into the monster's body after piercing them.

Compa slumped down a moment later, panting, as the creature finally disappeared.

As everyone knew, dungeons were indestructible unless designed to be otherwise (like for collapsing after the Boss was defeated), so there were no dents or scrapes along the walls to indicate how fierce the battle had been.

There were only three girls, panting and wounded. Eventually, Compa managed to stagger to her feet, pull out a few potions, and hand them out.

Incidentally, nursing in Gamindustri was pretty much a sales job; only long-term sicknesses needed real care, so most people just downed a drink whenever they got hurt. It made things much easier.

"Jeez, why do these guys have to be so strong!?"

IF looked up from her cellphone.

"Well, Nep, maybe it's because you're a lazy bum who keeps losing her levels when things get peaceful."

"That's stupid! I don't wanna have to keep grinding all the time!"

Compa and IF ignored the tantrum. You had to let some things go or you'd never get any rest.

"Come on, Nep-Nep. We still have five dungeons to run before we head back for the day. I won't be your pillow if you're slacking."

"Fiend! Monster! Sadist! I should've known something was up the first time I saw that syringe of yours! You know I can't sleep without my hugging pillow!"

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"How are they doing?"

"Not bad. That romance simulator you set up is unexpectedly popular; a lot of them are gleefully going for a harem made of the CPU's."

"Wasn't our goal to pull people away from their tyranny?"

"Our goal is for them to play as many games as they want. We're not going to start telling them which games are right to play."

"I know, it's just… propping up our enemies like this seems wrong somehow."

"I dunno about that. If they think of the CPU's as objects to be possessed instead of worshipped, the Goddesses won't get any faith at all, right? That's a win in my book."

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"'All who are wounded in battle have the chance to earn a Purple Heart. It only counts if you actually beat the dungeon'? What the heck is this?"

Neptune stared at the poster plastered up on the side of the building, complete with a statue of her HDD form pictured on one side of it.

Neptune, Compa, and IF had finally finished their assigned dungeon runs and returned to the heart of Planeptune, Land of Purple Progress, to debrief, relax, and get something to eat. However, it hadn't taken long to see the advertisements newly posted around the city…

"Um… Histoire?"

"Yes, IF?"

"I don't think it's a good idea to encourage those shut-ins to get themselves hurt in the course of helping to clear dungeons. Aren't they going to deliberately get hit just to increase their chances of winning one of those figures?"

"…"

"…"

"I'm, uh, going to go get some new posters printed up."

"You do that."

A disturbingly high percent of each nation's population was composed of dedicated fans that would do just about anything to get some sort of prize. Stay up for two weeks straight playing a game? Easy. Achieve improbably high scores in chance-based games through sheer persistence? A normal task. Risking life and limb just to get another figure for a collection that already had dozens (if not more)? Just watch them compete!

"That statue doesn't make my butt look big, does it?"

"Don't worry, Nep-Nep, I'm sure it's correct down to the tiniest detail!"

"I'm not sure that's a good thing…"

Neptune turned to leave, only to pause when she saw somebody else looking at the poster.

"My butt's not that big!"

It never hurt to be sure people knew the truth.

The girl looking at the poster merely tilted her head a bit to look over.

"Hey, aren't you…?"

Compa's question, however, was interrupted almost immediately.

"You stole my boss monster! Gimme the rewards from that mission!"

As Neptune dove forward, the red-haired girl took a step backwards and watched as Neptune, deprived of a target, smacked into the ground.

"You're the Console Patron Unit of this land?"

"Yeah, what's it to you?"

Neptune pushed herself to her feet and put her hands on her hips.

"…You were having problems with a creature like that? I didn't realize the Goddesses were so pathetic."

"I was just about to smash it! Don't call me weak when you don't gimme the chance to show what I can do!"

"Victory needs no explanation. Defeat allows none."

The girl turned around and began walking away.

"Hey, don't walk away from me! I've got my pride as a CPU, you know! I'll show you just how awesome I can be!"

"A Goddess who doesn't do everything she can to protect her land doesn't deserve to be called a Goddess."

"She's gone…"

Compa sighed as the girl walked out of sight.

"Grr…"

Neptune's body shook.

"Nobody… but NOBODY… gets to talk to me like that! Compa, Iffy, after we eat, I'm going back out! You two can rest at the Basilicom!"

Food was always the highest priority for Neptune. Always.

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"Give me your toughest mission!"

Neptune slammed her hands onto the countertop and glared at the feminine young man standing there.

"Y-yes, Lady Purple Heart?"

His fingers flew over the keyboard behind the desk and the screen to the side flicked on.

"We've received a report that a monster called the Tyrant-Wyv… oh, hold on, somebody just beat it."

The attendant coughed slightly, then flicked another mission up.

"The Grand Sea Lo- no, hang on, the Golden Gu- wait, something like the-"

"MAKE UP YOUR MIND ALREADY!"

"S-sorry! It's just that a lot of the toughest enemies are all inside this one dungeon, and I guess somebody's clearing it right now. I can give you something from another place if you want, but it won't be the toughest mission."

Neptune twitched slightly.

A moment later, light surrounded her body. In just an instant, divine power hacked the fabric of the universe and restructured one girl's body. About half the people in the room threw themselves flat on the ground before her and began worshipping; the other half took out cameras and started taking pictures.

Well, this _was_ Gamindustri, after all. The CPU's were more celebrities than actual rulers unless they got really serious about something.

That wasn't Purple Heart's concern however. She simply shot out of the doorway and began moving through the sky, heading to one of the areas that the Basilicom had always said nobody should ever go to.

"Tell me I'm not working hard as a Goddess, huh? Oh, I'll show her. I'll show them all! Ahahahahahaha! I'll get so much done that I'll be on top of the ranks for years even if I don't do anything else!"

Lightning flashed dramatically in the background as Purple Heart willed it to be so.

The one mistake that some people made was to forget who the Console Patron Units were. They might laugh, they might play, they might frustrate their Oracles and generally be difficult to deal with on a day-to-day basis… but when all was said and done, they were the ultimate entities that ruled the world with power all but unimaginable to lesser beings.

So, naturally, there were usually at least a few thousand heroes who could match them at any given time. Heroes were really good at beating deities who shouldn't have been beatable. Most of them stayed low to the ground, though, or only flew as high as was really necessary, because their attention was on the ground below.

Far above the land of Planeptune, however, Purple Heart could see a lot further than people usually did.

She crashed through the front door of her Basilicom ten seconds later.

"Histoire! HISTOIRE! _Who raised a continent out of nowhere and didn't tell me!?_"


End file.
